La La Land

La La Land is a delightful song and dance film starring Ryan Gosling as a struggling jazz pianist and Emma Stone as a wannabe actress. Both are trying to make their way through the dog-eat-dog world of present day Los Angeles. Though beaten down almost every single day they continue to encourage each other to follow their dreams.

I've never been much of a musical type of guy, but I really enjoyed this movie. What can I say about Ryan Gosling? Is there anything more sexy than a guy who can both tickle the ivories and is light on his feet? And Emma Stone - she's wholly unremarkable, but those vulnerable eyes and girlish charms just draw you in.

I have to admit, I have a soft spot for these kinds of romantic love stories. So, two big thumbs up for me. Loved this movie.

Ex_Machina

I just saw Ex_Machina with one of my friends. I had a 2-for-1 movie coupon from my sister that was expiring soon, so we decided to use it.

I have to say, I haven't really been keeping up with the latest releases. I saw an ad or two for this movie and checked the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and it came quite highly recommended.

I didn't know much about the plot either. But that's a good thing. I find, now-a-days, that commercials and trailers reveal far too much about a film before you even get to the theatre. That completely ruins things. I like to be surprised.

The movie is a science fiction thriller of the interaction between three characters - two humans, Caleb Smith (Domhnall Gleeson) and Nathan Bateman (Oscar Isaac) and an intensely beautiful A.I., Ava, (Alicia Vikander) created by Bateman.

It's set in Batemen's gorgeous home/research centre on a stunning, but nameless island. He's the eccentric genius behind a highly successful internet company and Ava is his new project. Caleb, a programmer at the company, has been called in to "run tests".

There are twists and there are turns. You never know who to fully trust. And that could mean the difference between life and death, and freedom and imprisonment.

There are no explosions, no mayhem, no chase scenes or million dollar special effects. Instead the characters talk. They interact together intelligently. And that's wonderfully refreshing.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

I just watched Seeking a Friend for the End of the World on DVD. It's a romantic-comedy my sister took out from the library. I have to say I enjoyed it.

The movie stars Steve Carell as Dodge a quiet, non-confrontational insurance salesman and Keira Knightly as Penny his quirky, young neighbour. The plot - a huge, 70-mile-wide asteroid is hurtling towards earth. In three weeks it will hit causing it's total destruction. What will you do with your remaining time?

The movie opens with Dodge and his wife Linda (played by Steve Carell's actual wife Nancy Carell) sitting in a parked car listening to the news of earth's impending doom on the radio. She knows what she's going to do with her remaining time... and it doesn't include him (as she gets out of the car and walks away).

The movie follows the unlikely duo of Dodge and Penny as they head out together in search of the things they think will bring them comfort in these end times. Dodge is in search of his high school sweetheart, Olivia, and Penny is looking to fly to England to be with her family. As well they have a canine companion, Sorry, who Dodge finds attached to him after he wakes up in a park having unsuccessfully trying to kill himself by drinking window cleaner.

Both characters have endured recent break ups; Dodge with his wife and Penny with her boyfriend, Owen. So they're both somewhat emotionally fragile. As unlikely as it seems, in this journey of personal redemption they eventually discover the people they were seeking fill this void in both their lives is actually sitting in the car seat next to them.

I think I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart. Because Dodge loves Penny so much, there's a scene near the end of the movie where he forgoes his happiness in order to bring her what he thinks will be unsurpassable joy (to be reunited with her family). It's the ultimate sacrifice which will leave him alone in his time of greatest need.

But, don't worry... this isn't the end. Though I don't necessarily need to see a happy ending to enjoy a movie this one has one. Lovely. I appreciate that.

The Sisters Brothers

I just finished reading The Sisters Brothers, by Patrick deWitt. Though I have to admit I don't read an awful lot, it was a bit of a departure from what I might normally choose.

Set in California in the 1850s, The Sisters Brothers is a western about brothers Eli and Charlie Sisters. They are hired killers who work for a rich and powerful man known simply as the Commodore. What he commands they do, no questions asked.

The novel tells the tale of their adventures in seeking out and confronting their next target, Hermann Kermit Warm. Along the way they meet a varied and motley group of characters with varying consequences.

As well, Eli begins to reflect on his chosen profession and wrestles with his choices in life. Though they are generally self-serving, cold blooded killers they do have a human side and I found myself warming towards them.

deWitt's style of writing fits the timeframe of the story well. At no time did I find myself getting weary of reading (as sometimes happens with me).

Every Day A Friday

I just read (most of) Every Day A Friday - How to be Happier 7 Days a Week, by Joel Osteen. It's an advice book on how to be happier from a Christian Minister's perspective. While he does give some good advice, most of the book seems to rely on the goodness of God to turn sad days into glad.

First the good advice.

Sometimes it all comes down to perspective. In his book Joel writes, don't say, I have to go to work today. Instead say, I get to go to work today. Look on the positive side. There are many people who are unemployed currently. They would do anything to find a job. You? You're lucky. You have one.

Or, you might say, Oh... goodness, I've got to drive in traffic again. Joel turns it around and says, you get to drive in traffic again. You're blessed with a car. Unlike many people who have to walk or take public transit you're that much more well off.

Focus on what's important.

Joel says you should make your family and those you love a priority in your life. I agree with that. He says, too often we're so occupied with trying to stay on top of things in our lives we don't take the time to actually live our lives.

He says he'd rather make less money and enjoy his life and enjoy his family rather than be so overworked that he never has any extra energy. I believe that's the right attitude.

He tells the story of renowned architect Frank Lloyd Wright and his uncle. One day they're walking through a snow covered field. As they were walking, young Frank would veer off stopping at a barn to look at the animals or by a pond to look at the water.

When he finally caught up with his uncle his uncle said, Now, Frank, I want to teach you a lesson. Look back at our footsteps in the snow. Mine came straight here while yours zigzagged all over the place. You wasted so much time stopping along the way. I never ventured off and came here much quicker than you.

Frank Lloyd Wright said that was one of the best lessons he had ever learned. But, in the opposite manner in which his uncle had intended. His philosophy was, I still arrived at the same destination, but I enjoyed all the sights along the way. Good advice.

Be thankful for what you have.

Keep the right point of view. If you're having trouble sleeping at night, think of all the homeless people without beds. If you are stuck in traffic, think about all the people who can't afford cars. If you have a bad day at the office, think about all those who are unemployed. If you have to walk three blocks to church, thank God you are healthy enough to walk (yeah... I noticed that too... Joel does get repetitive in his book).

Joel tells the story of a young man he knew, Matt. Matt had always been strong and healthy. But, one day his eyes started to bother him and he went to see the doctor. The doctor checked him out and told him that he had cancer of the eye and there was a good chance he would lose his vision. Of course Matt was distraught at this news.

Well, when the day of the surgery came the doctor started to operate. At that time he discovered that Matt did not have cancer but an eye fungus that could they could remove simply to restore his vision.

When Matt awoke from surgery he was the happiest man alive. Because he had nearly lost his vision being able to see normally took on new meaning for him. He would never again take his eyesight for granted. That's the attitude we should take with all things in our lives.

Live a No Excuses Life.

There was a boy named Mordecai Brown, tells Joel. His dream was to pitch in the major leagues. Young Mordecai had a natural talent. He was so good that professional scouts regularly came to see his games.

One day while working on the farm he had an accident and lost his whole forefinger and most of his middle finger on his throwing hand. Being the determined person he was he didn't let this setback affect his drive. In fact the loss of those two fingers put such an irregular spin on his pitches that they were even harder to hit.

Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown went on to become one of the most dominant pitchers in the history of early Major League Baseball.

The Bad Advice...

God is in control of your destiny... He allows bad things to happen to people to strengthen them. Trust in Him and He will turn things around. Just wait and see. Baloney.

Joel tells of the time he was in a plane and they hit some very serious turbulence. Items were tossed around and people shaken up. This lasted a good ten minutes. But, in the end, they all landed safely. He compares that to rough patches in our lives. God shakes things up to make us stronger and to depend on him. But, in the end, He comes through.

Well, He didn't come through for the 43 players and coaches who died in the KHL (Russian hockey league) plane crash in September of 2011. Their moments of turbulence ended in their deaths. What lesson does God have for them? Sorry... your life was inconsequential? Too bad, so sad?

Joel says, When things are difficult, smile by faith. If you develop a habit of smiling, God will reward you with His favor. You'll not only feel better, you'll also earn better breaks. You will see increase and promotion. People will be drawn to you, and I believe and declare you'll live that life of victory God has in store for you.

That's a load of malarkey if I've ever heard any. I believe he's giving false hope to those who are already vulnerable. If things don't improve like he says they will these people will fall into even deeper despair. That's not right at all.

In the end I think this book relies too much on "Keep smiling, God is in control. He'll make things better. Trust me." While it gives little new advice on how to be happy.

Instead of spending your hard earned money on it go out and have a steak dinner. As far as I'm concerned that's something that will truly make you happy (unless you're a vegetarian... in that case go on suffering in life).

Hiroshima In The Morning by Rahna Reiko Rizzuto

Not my images

As I normally do when I visit my local library, I first check out the selection of new and recommended books located near the entrance. You can usually find some pretty good ones there.

Three weeks ago I happened upon two that piqued my interest. One was The Number Mysteries (which I recently blogged about), the second was this one – Hiroshima In The Morning by Rahna Reiko Rizzuto.

I have to say, since I took so long to get through the first book I really had to rush to finish the second. The due date was fast approaching and I didn't want to either return it late and pay a fine or return it on time unfinished and take it out later to complete it.

So with a day or so to get through most of it I finished it within an hour or so of closing (after spending the afternoon curled up in a chair at the library). Needless to say it wasn't the leisurely read I was hoping for, nor was the content what I expected.

Having read the description on the back I imagined it would have to do more with the author's trip to Hiroshima to talk with the survivors of the atomic bomb, the Hibakusha, as well as the felling of the Twin Towers in her hometown of New York (which coincidentally happened during her trip). I thought they would be parallel stories that somehow might join in a mysterious twist of fate.

While Ms. Rizzuto did speak with many Hibakusha in the research of her novel and did offer much insight in the time after the bomb dropped, I believe the story was much more about her (the author) and this trip of hers overseas which turned out to be very much a journey of self discovery.

At the time of her trip to Japan Ms. Rizzuto was a young mother of two boys ages 3 and 5. She was married to her college sweetheart, Brian, and lived with her family in New York City. Having been awarded a US/Japan Creative Artist Fellowship in 2001 (funded by the National Endowment for the Arts) she spent eight months in Hiroshima researching her new book. She left not knowing this journey would dramatically change her life.

She had never intended on being a mother when she got married. But at the urging of her husband (who wanted children) she succumbed. And while she loved her children, being alone for the first time in Japan, she realized motherhood was a role she still didn't fit in.

Her relationship with her husband, Brian, was heading towards rocky ground. At the beginning Ms. Rizzuto had self doubts about why she was even there. She was bothered at her lack of progress early on. On top of that there was the pressure from home. During their many phone conversations Brian often voiced his displeasure of her for leaving him alone for so long to fend for himself with their two boys. They began to see things in each other that they resented. It was the beginning of the end.

I have to admit I wasn't all there while reading the book. Part of it had to do with what I felt was a slow start. Another part of it had to do with the fact I was under pressure trying to finish the book at the library before it closed. And the last part probably had to do with the fact the book wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

Nevertheless I have to say, Ms. Rizzuto is an excellent writer. What she did say, was wonderfully stated. I think it's a book that a lot of people would enjoy and would recommend it.

Books I've Been Reading Lately

Michael Moore; Tracy McMillan; Jaycee Lee Dugard

For some reason I've been reading the memoirs of a number of different people lately. I'm not exactly sure why. I suppose it varies depending on whose book I chose.

In the case of Here Comes Trouble: Stories from My Life by Michael Moore it's because he's a person I greatly admire and I thought it would be interesting to find out more about him.

It turns out he's a fascinating person. He had a lot of engaging stories from his life to tell. As well I learned Mr. Moore, from a young age, was very intelligent. He did quite well in school even skipping a grade. That is until his mother, Veronica, called the administrators and told them to put him back because she didn't want him to be the smallest kid in the next grade up.

What I like about Michael Moore is that he's someone who sticks up for the little guy. He fights for social justice and causes he believes in. Sometimes this puts him at odds with various groups. But he has integrity and drive and is willing to push on at times even putting his own personal welfare at risk.

I decided to read I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway by Tracy McMillan after I read a short relationship article she wrote posted online. I thought it was informative and funny. Among her credits she's written for television news shows and the Emmy Award–winning AMC series Mad Men.

This book documents her life as a foster child through her many rocky relationships both with boyfriends and ex-husbands whom she often parallels to that with her pimping father, Freddie, who has spent a good deal of his life incarcerated on various offences.

It was a pretty good book. I enjoyed it. I have to admit I don't often read books from the viewpoint of a woman. Especially if they have anything to do with relationships. Sometimes it's interesting to see how the other half thinks.

I suspect I'm curious about certain people's lives and the experiences they've had. Now and then I may even be envious of things they've seen or done. Other times I'm thankful I never ever had to go through some of the things they've endured.

That's the case with the book I'm reading now – A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugard. In 1991, at age 11, she was abducted while on her way to school by pedophile Phillip Garrido and his wife Nancy. For 18 years she was kept captive in a shack in their backyard all the while being sexually abused by this monster.

When I saw this book on the shelf at the library I was unsure if I should borrow it. I didn't know if I would be able to stomach what was in it. Phillip Garrido is a sick, twisted man.

(note: On June 2nd, 2011 he was convicted of his crimes against Jaycee and sentenced to 431 years to life in jail. For her part in the crime his wife Nancy received 36 years to life.)

This is a story of not only Jaycee's ordeal, but a story of triumph and survival. Still I don't know if it's suitable for everyone.

The Number Mysteries by Marcus du Sautoy

I recently finished a book called The Number Mysteries (A Mathematical Odyssey Through Everyday Life) by Marcus du Sautoy. He's a professor of Mathematics at the University of Oxford among other things. Even though I'm not a big fan of math in general, I found it an interesting read.

In it's five chapters he discusses prime numbers, shapes that occur in the natural world and how they relate to numbers, mathematics in relation to gambling, how math is used in codes, and how math can be used to predict the future.

From his introduction (in the book) I'll give you a brief description of each chapter:

Chapter 1: The Curious Incident of the Never-Ending Primes - It takes, as its theme, the most basic object of mathematics: numbers. Du Sautoy introduces us to primes - the most important numbers in mathematics but also the most enigmatic. As he says, primes are indivisible numbers which are the building blocks of all other numbers - the hydrogen and oxygen of the world of mathematics.

Some interesting prime number facts - 1) The odds of having a 7-digit, prime number phone number is 1 in 15. The odds of having a 10-digit, prime number phone number is 1 in 22. You can enter your number here and see if you like. 2) At the time of printing, the largest prime number discovered was 12,978,189 digits. It was discovered by Edson Smith at UCLA on August 23rd, 2008. On offer is a prize of $150,000 if you can find a prime number with more than 100 million digits. $200,000 goes to the person who can find a prime number with more than a billion digits.

Chapter 2: The Story of the Elusive Shape - This chapter presents the A to Z of nature's wierd and wonderful shapes: from the six-pointed snowflake to the spiral of DNA, from the radial symmetry of a diamond to the complex shape of a leaf. Why are bubbles spherical? How does the body make such hugely complex shapes like the human lung? What shape is our universe? Math is at the heart of understanding how and why nature makes such a variety of shapes, and it gives us the power to create new shapes, as well as the ability to say where there are no more shapes to be discovered.

Why are bubbles spherical? Du Sautoy writes, take a piece of wire and bend it into the shape of a square. Dip it in bubble mixture and blow. Why isn't it a cube shaped bubble that comes out the other side? It's because nature is lazy and a sphere is nature's easiest shape. The bubble tries to find the shape that uses the least amount of energy, and that energy is proportional to the surface area.

Chapter 3: The Secret of the Winning Streak - Du Sautoy shows you how the mathematics of logic and probability can give you the edge when it comes to playing games. Whether you like playing with Monopoly money or gambling with real cash, mathematics is often the secret to coming out on top.

How math can help you win at Monopoly - Monopoly appears to be a pretty random game, but do you know what the most visited square on the board is? It's Jail. Why? Well, you could just throw the dice and find yourself visiting, or you might find that the dice takes you to the square directly opposite, where a policeman tells you to go to jail. You might even be unlucky enough to pick up one of the Chance or Community Chest cards that send you there. As a result players find themselves visiting the Jail square about three times more often than most other squares on the board.

Now that won't be much help to you because you can't "buy" jail. But, which squares do players end up on next most often? The answer would be Community Chest which is seven squares from Jail. The odds of rolling a seven are 6 in 36 of rolling a combination of 7 with two dice. Since you can't buy Community Chest either, the next two properties you can purchase are the two oranges ones (Tennessee Avenue and St. James Place) to either side. There's a 5 in 36 chance of rolling a total of 6. The same goes with rolling a total of 8. So those are the properties to buy and load up with hotels if you're lucky enough to get the chance to do so.

Chapter 4: The Case of the Uncrackable Code - Ever since people first learned to communicate they've been finding ever more fiendish ways to hide messages from their enemies. But codes aren't only for keeping things secret: they also make sure that information is communicated without errors. We can use mathematics to create ingenious ways to guarantee that the message that is received is the same as the message that was sent - which is vitally important in this age of electronic transactions.

I was going to talk a bit about secure transactions over the internet, but it's a bit too complicated to break down. Let's just say there's nothing to worry about transmitting sensitive information over the net. Part of cracking the code involves finding the two prime factors (numbers) for extremely huge numbers - in the hundreds of digits range. So confident were the mathematicians who invented the code that for many years they offered a $200,000 prize for the person who could find the two prime factors of a 617 digit number (which I won't bother typing out). If you tried cracking the code one prime number at a time, you'd need to work through more numbers than there are atoms in the universe before you got to them. Needless to say, the prize was never claimed and the offer eventually withdrawn.

Chapter 5: The Quest to Predict the Future - In this chapter du Sautoy explains how the equations of mathematics are the best fortune-tellers. They predict eclipses, explain why boomerangs come back, and ultimately tell us what the future holds for our planet.

One organization that definitely cares about the long run is the casino. Their profit depends on long-term probabilities. For every throw of the dice or spin of the roulette wheel, they rely on your failing to predict how the dice or ball will land. Well, in March of 2004 one Hungarian woman and two Serbian men used mathematics to make a killing in the London Ritz casino. Using a laser scanner hidden inside a mobile phone linked to a computer, they recorded the spin of the roulette wheel relative to the ball over two rotations. The computer worked out a region of six numbers within which it predicted the ball would fall. During the third rotation of the wheel, the gamblers placed their bets, thus increasing their chances of winning from 37:1 to 6:1. The first night they netted £100,000, the second £1.2 million. Despite being arrested they were eventually released. Legal teams determined they had done nothing to tamper with the wheel.

I have to say, I rather enjoyed the book. Though some of the mathematics discussed was beyond my ability of comprehension I found it a fascinating read. 2:1 says you will too.

The Perfect Day (Tuesdays with Morrie)

Morrie Schwartz with Mitch Albom

What would you do if you had one day perfectly healthy? What would you do?

"Let's see... I'd get get up in the morning, do my exercises, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I'd have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other.

"Then I'd like to go for a walk, in a garden with some trees, watch their colors, watch the birds, take in the nature that I haven't seen in so long now.

"In the evening, we'd all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck – I love duck – and them we'd dance the rest of the night. I'd dance with all the wonderful dance partners out there, until I was exhausted. And then I'd go home and have a deep, wonderful sleep."

That's it?

"That's it."

This was a question posed by Mitch Albom to his friend and mentor Morrie Schwartz his college professor who was dying of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also referred to as Lou Gehrig's disease in his book, Tuesdays with Morrie. ALS is a rapidly progressive, invariably fatal neurological disease that attacks the nerve cells (neurons) responsible for controlling voluntary muscles.

In ALS, both the upper motor neurons and the lower motor neurons degenerate or die, ceasing to send messages to muscles. Unable to function, the muscles gradually weaken, waste away (atrophy), and twitch (fasciculations). Eventually, all muscles under voluntary control are affected, and patients lose their strength and the ability to move their arms, legs, and body. When muscles in the diaphragm and chest wall fail, patients lose the ability to breathe without ventilatory support. Most people with ALS die from respiratory failure.

And so it was... such a simple, average answer to his question. But, to someone who was stuck in a shell of a body, who could no longer walk or even sit up on his own. Who had to rely on the kindness of others to do the simplest of tasks for him... this was his wish – To be "normal" once again. To be what he was before ALS ravaged his body.

Sometimes I think we run around like chickens with our heads cut off. We bump into things and get angry and frustrated. Often we don't even realize what we're doing. We're stuck in the hamster wheel of life that goes round and round, but, in the end, gets us nowhere.

In the book I think Morrie suggests we get off that hamster wheel and re-evaluate our priorities. Slow down and breathe – exhale. Take the time to develop meaningful relationships with those we care about (and who care for us). Stop and smell the roses. Truly appreciate what you have. Give to those who don't have as much. Compassion given has a way of returning whence it came. Besides blessing the recipient, it will make you feel whole.

So, if you had one day left on earth... what would you do?

The Art of Happiness

I just finished reading The Art of Happiness - a Handbook for Living, by Howard Cutler M.D. an American psychiatrist. In private meetings in Arizona and India he conducted intensive interviews of Tenzin Gyatso, His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, Buddhist monk and temporal and spiritual leader of the Tibetan people. This in the quest to, perhaps, ascertain how to find happiness in life. Here's a summary of what I think the book was about.

Part I - The Purpose of Life

Chapter 1 - The Right to Happiness

Nothing to really say here.

Chapter 2 - The Sources of Happiness

Happiness is determined more by one's state of mind than by external events. I believe this is true. They gave an example with people who have Comparing Minds. Those people will never be satisfied with what they have. Say someone makes $30,000 a year then the following year he gets a raise to $40,000. He will be happy for the time being. But, after he sees his friend making $50,000 that feeling will go away and he will want more. This cycle can constantly repeat itself and if you find yourself caught in it you will never find peace.

We need to achieve Inner Contentment part of which is wanting and appreciating what we already have. If our basic needs are met we should find contentment in that. Unchecked desire or greed will only lead down the road of despair.

Chapter 3 - Training the Mind for Happiness

Negative emotions and behaviors are harmful to us. Positive emotions are helpful. Develop positive emotions. Avoid hatred, jealousy and anger. Don't let the negative emotions control you. That's what I've always said. Negative states destroy our mental happiness. Nourish positive emotions such as compassion, loving kindness and a calm mind (like being patient). Having this sort of an emotional make up will lead the way towards attaining happiness.

Chapter 4 - Reclaiming our Innate State of Happiness

We are innately gentle and compassionate. That may seem contradictory to the evidence we see currently see around us. Violence, war and conflict affect many regions around the world. The book says that those tendencies are learned. That we are taught to behave like that. I believe that's true. Just look at the outpouring of compassion that was shown from peoples worldwide over the disaster in Haiti (Jan. 2009). I think that's our true nature and that we should strive towards embracing it as a permanent part of our lives.

Part II - Human Warmth and Compassion

Chapter 5 - A New Model for Intimacy

At first I was going to dismiss this chapter as not being useful. But, after I thought about it for awhile I realized that I was wrong about it. Intimacy - developing a close bond with others - is important. It's not restricted to a spouse or lover (and in fact shouldn't be), but it should be seen as having close ties to both friends and family alike. We need people to support us in good times and bad. People who will listen to our problems and empathize with us. In a few instances the author showed that close relationships (intimacy) promotes good health. Not only physically, but psychologically. And, as far as I'm concerned, that can only help on our path towards happiness.

Chapter 6 - Deepening our Connection to Others

Establishing Empathy - being able to understand another person's suffering. In other words, walk a mile in their shoes.

Develop relationships that aren't based on wealth, power or position. Rather establish friendships based on true human feelings, a feeling of closeness in which there is a sense of sharing and connectedness. They will not be affected by whether or not the person's personal wealth or power or position changes.

Relationships based solely on romantic feelings should be avoided. It's something that is based on fantasy, unattainable, and therefore may be a source of frustration. In another self-help book I'm reading they say that they typical "in love experience" lasts 2-years. After that, if there is nothing else to sustain the relationship, you could be in trouble.

Chapter 7 - The Value and Benefits of Compassion

To me this chapter has parallels to the previous one, where one was supposed to deepen their connection to others by establishing empathy with them. Likewise Compassion provides similar physical health benefits as well as feelings of happiness, a calmer mind and less depression. People who volunteer, for instance, have feelings of warmth, more energy, a kind of euphoria and enhanced self-worth. So, take note, being compassionate towards others has benefits for yourself as well.

That being said, we have to clarify two different types of compassion. One is beneficial while the other isn't. Genuine compassion isn't based on the fact that a certain person is dear to me. Compassion based solely on reciprocating feelings isn't good because if it disappears then you will experience negative emotions. Rather it should be based on the rationale that all humans, yourself included, have the desire to be happy and overcome suffering. It is based on the others' fundamental rights rather than your own mental projection. Upon this basis, then, you will generate love and compassion.

Part III - Transforming Suffering

Chapter 8 - Facing Suffering

It's inevitable, at many points in the journey of life we will face suffering. When we do we have to face it head on. Drugs or alcohol may provide a temporary reprieve. But the problem will still be there when the high goes away. Avoiding the problem or putting on a false front pretending it doesn't exist will fail as well. It will continue to fester and grow and may end up being worse when you eventually deal with it.

They offered a couple of suggestions on how to deal with suffering. First, instead of trying to avoid the topic, like old age or death, try to train your mind to get ready for it. By thinking about old age and death or other unfortunate things your mind will me more stable when these things happen as you have already become acquainted with these problems and kinds of suffering. It won't come as a shock causing an unbearable mental uneasiness.

Now, of course, there are times where you can't prepare for negative events, such as the death of a loved one due to an accident. In those cases you will have to go through a grieving process. But, in time, this will have to pass or else it will lead to depression. You have to learn to let go. It may help to know that other people have gone through similar or worse tragedies. Once you realize that, then you will no longer feel isolated. That can offer you some kind of condolence.

One more thing. If something bad happens to you, don't feel sorry for yourself and think you are a victim of some injustice and try to assess blame. You may say, this or that happened because of the government, or the education system, or because I was raised in a dysfunctional family. Or you may internalize the blame saying you are a victim of disease or bad genes. This can perpetuate your suffering and lead to feelings of anger, frustration and resentment. Suffering is a natural part of our existence. We have to accept the fact and deal with it accordingly when it happens.

Chapter 9 - Self-Created Suffering

Some kinds of suffering are unavoidable in everyday life, others are self-created. Like refusing to accept suffering as a part of normal existence and viewing oneself as a victim and/or blaming others for our problems. As well, we may extend our suffering by replaying hurts or painful memories over and over again in our minds magnifying our injustices in the process. Like being dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend when you were in high school. What happened, happened. Nothing we can do now will change the fact. Thinking about it over and over in your mind just leads to more needless suffering.

We also have to be careful not to be overly sensitive, overreacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. If we do that we may turn insignificant problems into big ones. The author gives an example of the time he was out eating with a colleague. The service was unusually slow and though they had nowhere to go afterwards his friend became agitated saying that the waiter was purposely ignoring them. This feeling of dissatisfaction elevated itself throughout the meal with him constantly complaining about one thing or another. His friend took it as a personal attack on himself and things escalated in his own mind from there. At the end of the evening the waiter came by with some free dessert and apologized for the service saying that one of the cooks took the night off because of a death in the family and another waiter had called in sick so they were short staffed. Never-the-less, the author's friend had pretty much ruined his own evening by overreacting to things and blowing them out of proportion.

Our suffering also depends on how we react to a certain situation. If someone is speaking badly about you behind your back and you react with a feeling of hurt or anger, the you yourself destroy your own peace of mind. Your pain is your own personal creation. But, if you let the slander pass without reacting in a negative way then you protect yourself from that feeling of hurt or agony.

Here's another example that's a personal one. I attended a free speed dating event recently. There was an attractive girl who I'll call "Helen" that I got along quite well with. In fact I got along well with all the women there. On the paper we were given I only marked Helen as someone I'd be interested in contacting though. When the day came and the e-mails were sent out to see who we matched up with and she didn't list me as a match I could have gotten upset. I could have seen it as a personal attack and viewed myself as less than worthy. Instead I reacted in a more rational way. Just like I wasn't interested in the other women I met with, I couldn't expect Helen to necessarily be interested in me either. Everybody has their own personal tastes. Not only in potential mates, but in music, art, fashion, etc ... all facets of life. Just because a particular person isn't interested in you doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. By taking this point of view I saved myself the grief of dealing with low self-esteem, a problem many guys in the dating world are constantly dealing with.

Excessive guilt as a source of self-created suffering is not good either. It may arise when we feel we've made an irreparable mistake. We've all done things in our life we later regret. But, to let it endlessly consume us serves no benefit. It's just a source of relentless self-punishment and self-induced suffering that has to be avoided.

Chapter 10 - Shifting Perspective

I thought this chapter and the following one were a waste of time. I don't think they contribute anything towards alleviating pain or suffering. One suggestion they gave was to see things from a wider perspective. That others have gone through worse things than you have. It may make your problem appear smaller, less overwhelming. I think that's bunk. When you face pain or suffering just go back to Chapter 8 - Facing Suffering, and try to deal with it.

Chapter 11 - Finding Meaning in Pain and Suffering

I don't need to find meaning in pain and suffering. I don't care why it happened. It's not going to help me deal with it any better. Why are we discussing this? See Chapter 8 again.

Part IV - Overcoming Obstacles

Chapter 12 - Bringing About Change

We have to eliminate negative behaviors and mental states such as anger, hatred and greed which are harmful to us. We can do this by increasing our positive states of mind such as love, compassion and forgiveness, and patience, tolerance and kindness.

Chapter 13 - Dealing with Anger and Hatred

The book says, The only factor that can give you refuge or protection from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is your practice of tolerance and patience.

The following are some methods that work for me:

I like to take a logical approach. I see anger as a non-productive emotion. I choose not to let it affect me over the long term. We all get angry from time to time. If someone deliberately cuts me off while I am driving I can get quite upset. I may stay upset for part of the drive home, but soon realize it's useless to stay angry. It's not going to do any good, so I let the feeling go. It's not like pretending the anger isn't there (ignoring it), but dismissing it. Send it packing. For me it can be as easy as that. I also very view not being able to control negative emotions as a sign of weakness. Whether that's true or not, it still motivates me.

You can also control your anger by stepping back and seeing the situation for what it actually is. Another personal example from me was when I was walking down the sidewalk one day and I happened to cross an intersection where the cars from the side street had to stop at a stop sign. As I crossed the street a car came by and almost hit me. It was very, very close. Now I could have gotten angry at the driver. But, I knew she didn't do it on purpose and there was no harm done. She just wasn't paying attention. So I motioned to her that it was okay and that I wasn't upset and continued on. We all make mistakes in life and should extend the same courtesy we'd like to receive if we made one ourselves.

Chapter 14 - Dealing with Anxiety and Building Self-Esteem

Some fear and anxiety can be good. It can mobilize us to respond to danger. Other self-generated types of fear and anxiety can be bad. They can have negative effects on our minds and bodies and become the source of much emotional suffering and even physical illness.

When dealing with fear you have to use your faculty of reasoning and try to discover whether there is a valid basis for it or not. The book mentions if you think there is a remedy to the problem then try to figure a way out of it. Direct your resources to finding a solution rather than worrying about it. Alternatively, if there is no solution to the problem, no way out of it, then you shouldn't worry about it either, because you can't do anything about it anyway. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be on you.

Sincere motivation acting as an antidote to reduce fear and anxiety. Some people, myself included, are afraid of public speaking. We're afraid of embarrassing ourselves by making mistakes, appearing incompetent. If you go forward with sincere motivation in mind it can help ease your anxiety. Know that you really want to help the people you are speaking to. Know that you are doing the best you can. So, even if you fail, you know you tried your best and that's all you can do. There is no cause for regret.

Honesty as an antidote to low self-esteem. Don't make yourself out to be someone you aren't. If you are honest with yourself and to others about your capabilities then you needn't worry about living up to unrealistic expectations. There will be no anxiety towards being exposed or revealed as an imposter. In that way you'll be more self-confident about yourself.

Reflecting on our potential as an antidote for self-hatred. Self-hatred can arise if we fail to live up to our idealized self-image. This may have been formed by our parents and upbringing as we grew and developed or culturally reinforced as in some societies particularly against women and minorities. To combat this we should concentrate more on the positive aspects of our existence. We have to appreciate the tremendous potential that lies within oneself as a human being. Such as the ability of human intelligence and a strong sense of determination towards achieving our goals. By reflecting upon these opportunities and potentials, we will be able to increase our sense of worth and confidence in ourselves.

Part V - Closing Reflections on Living a Spiritual Life

Chapter 15 - Basic Spiritual Values

The Art of Happiness has many components, says the author. It begins with developing an understanding of the truest sources of happiness and setting or priorities in life based on the cultivation of these sources. It involves an inner discipline, a gradual process of rooting out destructive mental states and replacing them with positive, constructive states of mind, such as kindness, tolerance and forgiveness. The final component is - Spirituality.

They speak of two levels of spirituality - the Religious one and a Basic one. If you believe in a specific religion it can be good. People who have religious beliefs do derive health benefits similar to what intimate (Chapter 5) and compassionate (Chapter 7) people have. As well, religious people often are part of a larger community. Involvement in a group can create feelings of belonging, communal ties, a caring connection and acceptance. I might add, that's if you fit in with the group. If not, then things might not be so peachy. As well, some religious groups have come under fire these days for being radical or promoting violence. So use your better judgement.

They talk about religious Faith as being beneficial as well. Saying it's helped many people get through hard times. Like when someone was unjustly imprisoned and/or being tortured. When people were released they say that prayer and faith helped them get through it. As far as I'm concerned it can be far more perilous. In instances where faith fails you (and it does happen) you will inevitably be more distraught that your god chose to ignore your pleas for help. I think it is a dangerous thing to lean on. But, that's just my opinion.

Basic Spirituality is based on the human qualities of goodness, kindness, compassion and caring. Whether you have any religious beliefs of not, the Dalai Lama believes this is the most important kind of spirituality. Without it he thinks human existence would remain hard and very dry. As a result, none of us could be happy, our families would suffer and then, eventually, all of society would be troubled.

To sum up - I believe happiness, or the lack thereof, can be partially attributed to these factors - our health, our material possessions and our relationships with others. But, more importantly, it can be determined by our state of mind, how we perceive what we have. If we appreciate our possessions, no matter how much or how little we have, we will achieve, at the very least, a state of contentedness.

Think positively. We should try to be kind, compassionate and loving. We should empathize with others, be patient, tolerant and forgiving. If we change our whole being to be more like this I believe our lives will change for the better. We will be calmer, more relaxed and both physically and psychologically healthier.

On suffering - face it head on. Deal with it right away and move on. Don't create suffering for yourself by dwelling on problems from the past. Don't overreact to small problems by blowing them out of proportion. Doing this will only create more suffering for yourself.

Deal with anger and hatred by practicing tolerance and patience. Anger is a useless emotion. It only causes pain and grief. Don't let it control you.

In the same way learn to deal with fear and anxiety. If you're anxious about something try to resolve the problem. If you see no solution, forget about it and move on. Worrying about it a moment longer won't help you or the problem.

Build self-esteem by being honest with yourself. See yourself for who you really are. Know your strengths and weakness and don't project anything differently. Then you won't have to endure the stress of constantly presenting a false front to those who expect more of you.

Finally, and this is my suggestion, take the time to do fun things. Things you enjoy. Go see a movie, go for a hike, have dinner with friends. Keep healthy. Eat a proper diet. Exercise. Smile. These things will help sustain a happy temperament.

This world is a community. The citizens, our brothers and sisters. Treat them with kindness, compassion and respect and they will do the same to you.