I’m a Loser - The Defeatist Attitude

I was having a discussion recently with a friend of mine who’s monetarily challenged (to say the least). He’s dead broke without a steady job. Of course his outlook on life is understandably sour.

I mentioned to him I’m currently reading a financial advice book by Tony Robbins and that it has some great advice. He also knows I’ve read books by Kevin O’Leary and Preet Banerjee on personal finance.

All these books are great in their own way and are definitely helpful in attaining a goal of financial independence. I told him he should take the time to read them.

His response was either, I know everything already, or, I don’t like Kevin O’Leary, so I’m not going to take his advice. Or he’ll say things like, why bother saving money? We could be hit by a bus tomorrow, so what’s the use?

That’s absolute nonsense. He’s either too proud to take advice or too lazy to bother reading these books. All the while he watches videos on his laptop for most of the day.

Not having a long term financial plan is a serious mistake many people make. It could mean the difference between having a roof over your head when you’re 85 or living on the street not knowing where your next meal will come from. And all because you were too proud or too lazy to even try - To try to save money; to try to invest wisely.

People spend ten of thousands of dollars and years of their lives on their education so they can earn a decent wage. Why not take a few more days/weeks to read a few books that could make an even greater difference on the quality of life in your golden years? Work smart, not hard.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." - Lao Tzu

Was it Something I Said? - Book Review

Was it Something I Said - The Answer to your Dating Dilemmas, by Jess McCann.

I have to say, this book mainly gives dating advice geared towards women. It's another reason I decided to take it out. So I could see how the "other side" thinks.

Jess McCann is a dating coach based in the U.S. who's written previous advice books in the past. She has a long list of clientele, both men and women, who range in age from 19 to 67. In a previous life she was a top salesperson at her own company. She is married to her wonderful husband, Erik.

Ms. McCann has some really good advice in her book. A lot of it is common sense, but sometimes you need someone to guide you just the same. Because love or what you consider to be love can blind you to reality. The need to be in a relationship can sometimes lead you to overlook your own needs in order to appease your partner. Ms. McCann cautions against this because it will lead to imbalance in a relationship and, thus, someone will be unhappy.

On the topic of dating she discusses many things like - What to talk about on a date; or What to do when the check arrives?

On the topic of what to talk about on a date Ms. McCann suggests asking your date questions about himself. She says that everyone likes to talk about their beliefs and interests. And she says not to shy away from so-called sensitive subjects like politics or religion because they can sometimes "spice up" a conversation as she puts it. Ask about his goals, passions or his philosophy on life. Ask "why" questions. Instead of just asking him where he lives, for instance, ask him why he chose to live there. Why questions are much more interesting.

What to do when the check arrives - If it's the first date the guy always pays. You (the girl) can reach for your wallet, but if he lets you pay that means he's not interested and you should move on. On the second and third date you (the girl) should still reach for your wallet or ask if you can pay the tip, but the guy should still pay the bill. By the third or fourth date Ms. McCann suggests that you start reciprocating. She says you can offer to pay for pre-dinner drinks or coffee or ice cream afterwards. That way the guy won't feel like you're using him just to get free dinners. As well, you must say a sincere, thank you, at the end of dinner to show your appreciation. As the relationship progresses you (the girl) should offer to pay for things every now and then.

In developing a relationship she also talks about leaving your date wanting more. You should always end your date on a high note. Even though you may want to stretch things out and hang out longer you should resist the urge to do so. When you end the date on a high your partner will be anxious to see you again. It sounds kind of mean, but I believe it would work.

On a similar note, don't return his calls or texts too quickly or make yourself too available too soon after your last date. You need to build up some anticipation. If you make him wait a couple of hours for a return call or text this will achieve that. In the same way, after a date, if he asks you to see a movie the next day, tell him you're busy but you'd love to go the following weekend. You should wait at least three days before meeting up again. You have to make it seem like you have a life and that you have other things to do and that life doesn't necessarily revolve around him (at least not yet). Not moving too quickly will keep his interest level up.

This book covers many subjects. Too many to talk about here unfortunately. The chapters include - Texting and Calling; Dating; Hooking Up; Handling Sticky Situations; Social Networking; Internet Dating (which she is in favor of); Finding Commitment; and All the Right Moves. I'd highly recommend it to anyone (either guys or girls). Ms. McCann gives sage advice. And while it may not apply to every situation you find yourself in, it still is a good guide towards making smart decisions in your dating life/relationships.

Every Day A Friday

I just read (most of) Every Day A Friday - How to be Happier 7 Days a Week, by Joel Osteen. It's an advice book on how to be happier from a Christian Minister's perspective. While he does give some good advice, most of the book seems to rely on the goodness of God to turn sad days into glad.

First the good advice.

Sometimes it all comes down to perspective. In his book Joel writes, don't say, I have to go to work today. Instead say, I get to go to work today. Look on the positive side. There are many people who are unemployed currently. They would do anything to find a job. You? You're lucky. You have one.

Or, you might say, Oh... goodness, I've got to drive in traffic again. Joel turns it around and says, you get to drive in traffic again. You're blessed with a car. Unlike many people who have to walk or take public transit you're that much more well off.

Focus on what's important.

Joel says you should make your family and those you love a priority in your life. I agree with that. He says, too often we're so occupied with trying to stay on top of things in our lives we don't take the time to actually live our lives.

He says he'd rather make less money and enjoy his life and enjoy his family rather than be so overworked that he never has any extra energy. I believe that's the right attitude.

He tells the story of renowned architect Frank Lloyd Wright and his uncle. One day they're walking through a snow covered field. As they were walking, young Frank would veer off stopping at a barn to look at the animals or by a pond to look at the water.

When he finally caught up with his uncle his uncle said, Now, Frank, I want to teach you a lesson. Look back at our footsteps in the snow. Mine came straight here while yours zigzagged all over the place. You wasted so much time stopping along the way. I never ventured off and came here much quicker than you.

Frank Lloyd Wright said that was one of the best lessons he had ever learned. But, in the opposite manner in which his uncle had intended. His philosophy was, I still arrived at the same destination, but I enjoyed all the sights along the way. Good advice.

Be thankful for what you have.

Keep the right point of view. If you're having trouble sleeping at night, think of all the homeless people without beds. If you are stuck in traffic, think about all the people who can't afford cars. If you have a bad day at the office, think about all those who are unemployed. If you have to walk three blocks to church, thank God you are healthy enough to walk (yeah... I noticed that too... Joel does get repetitive in his book).

Joel tells the story of a young man he knew, Matt. Matt had always been strong and healthy. But, one day his eyes started to bother him and he went to see the doctor. The doctor checked him out and told him that he had cancer of the eye and there was a good chance he would lose his vision. Of course Matt was distraught at this news.

Well, when the day of the surgery came the doctor started to operate. At that time he discovered that Matt did not have cancer but an eye fungus that could they could remove simply to restore his vision.

When Matt awoke from surgery he was the happiest man alive. Because he had nearly lost his vision being able to see normally took on new meaning for him. He would never again take his eyesight for granted. That's the attitude we should take with all things in our lives.

Live a No Excuses Life.

There was a boy named Mordecai Brown, tells Joel. His dream was to pitch in the major leagues. Young Mordecai had a natural talent. He was so good that professional scouts regularly came to see his games.

One day while working on the farm he had an accident and lost his whole forefinger and most of his middle finger on his throwing hand. Being the determined person he was he didn't let this setback affect his drive. In fact the loss of those two fingers put such an irregular spin on his pitches that they were even harder to hit.

Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown went on to become one of the most dominant pitchers in the history of early Major League Baseball.

The Bad Advice...

God is in control of your destiny... He allows bad things to happen to people to strengthen them. Trust in Him and He will turn things around. Just wait and see. Baloney.

Joel tells of the time he was in a plane and they hit some very serious turbulence. Items were tossed around and people shaken up. This lasted a good ten minutes. But, in the end, they all landed safely. He compares that to rough patches in our lives. God shakes things up to make us stronger and to depend on him. But, in the end, He comes through.

Well, He didn't come through for the 43 players and coaches who died in the KHL (Russian hockey league) plane crash in September of 2011. Their moments of turbulence ended in their deaths. What lesson does God have for them? Sorry... your life was inconsequential? Too bad, so sad?

Joel says, When things are difficult, smile by faith. If you develop a habit of smiling, God will reward you with His favor. You'll not only feel better, you'll also earn better breaks. You will see increase and promotion. People will be drawn to you, and I believe and declare you'll live that life of victory God has in store for you.

That's a load of malarkey if I've ever heard any. I believe he's giving false hope to those who are already vulnerable. If things don't improve like he says they will these people will fall into even deeper despair. That's not right at all.

In the end I think this book relies too much on "Keep smiling, God is in control. He'll make things better. Trust me." While it gives little new advice on how to be happy.

Instead of spending your hard earned money on it go out and have a steak dinner. As far as I'm concerned that's something that will truly make you happy (unless you're a vegetarian... in that case go on suffering in life).

Clichéd...

Someone I know posted a note on his Facebook page recently that he was feeling depressed about certain things in his life. He received a reasonable number of comments from friends who were concerned about his well being. Some were insightful, while others were just silly clichés.

I know they were meant to try to cheer him up and they came with wholly good intentions. But, little quips such as Hang in there buddy....when you're down, there's only one direction left to go....and that's up! don't do anything to really help a person who's feeling sad or depressed.

Whenever I see a friend who's posted something on-line about their struggles in life I'll take the time to try and assess their situation and write something meaningful. Something with concrete suggestions of what they may do (or in some cases avoid) to try to remedy the situation.

I never try to sugarcoat things either. Because the last thing you want to do is give false hope. Failure is always a possibility and people have to be prepared for it as well.

I think if someone is truly a friend the least you can do is invest a bit of time trying to come up with a bit of advice that offers attainable solutions, don't you?