How to be Happy

Not my photo.

Now I don't claim to have all the answers in the never-ending quest for happiness. But one thing I believe contributes greatly towards achieving that goal is having meaningful relationships with others. This could include good friends and/or family (parents, your partner, children, etc.) among others.

Let's face it... we all need times of solitude where we step back and recharge our batteries. But too much of it really sucks. And being surrounded by strangers in the hectic downtown core doesn't cut it. You can still be lonely in a large city if you haven't made any significant connections.

I know individuals who live in group homes. They're surrounded by people most of the day. But are they happy? Most of the time, no. Because these people are just that - people, not friends. So they're lonely, bored and unhappy.

If you're alone in a new city I'd suggest finding groups of like-minded individuals to hang out with. There are all manner of groups that do different activities (e.g. badminton, hiking, painting or even table games). Seek them out and become a member.

You can also do volunteer work. There is no end to the organizations that would appreciate whatever skills you can bring to the table. And, as a bonus, you'll get to meet new people.

If you're religious you can go to a church, mosque or synagogue to worship and fellowship with other believers. As well, according to some published data, regular church attendance can add years to your life. Another added benefit!

So, what are you waiting for? Get out there and be happy!

Every Day A Friday

I just read (most of) Every Day A Friday - How to be Happier 7 Days a Week, by Joel Osteen. It's an advice book on how to be happier from a Christian Minister's perspective. While he does give some good advice, most of the book seems to rely on the goodness of God to turn sad days into glad.

First the good advice.

Sometimes it all comes down to perspective. In his book Joel writes, don't say, I have to go to work today. Instead say, I get to go to work today. Look on the positive side. There are many people who are unemployed currently. They would do anything to find a job. You? You're lucky. You have one.

Or, you might say, Oh... goodness, I've got to drive in traffic again. Joel turns it around and says, you get to drive in traffic again. You're blessed with a car. Unlike many people who have to walk or take public transit you're that much more well off.

Focus on what's important.

Joel says you should make your family and those you love a priority in your life. I agree with that. He says, too often we're so occupied with trying to stay on top of things in our lives we don't take the time to actually live our lives.

He says he'd rather make less money and enjoy his life and enjoy his family rather than be so overworked that he never has any extra energy. I believe that's the right attitude.

He tells the story of renowned architect Frank Lloyd Wright and his uncle. One day they're walking through a snow covered field. As they were walking, young Frank would veer off stopping at a barn to look at the animals or by a pond to look at the water.

When he finally caught up with his uncle his uncle said, Now, Frank, I want to teach you a lesson. Look back at our footsteps in the snow. Mine came straight here while yours zigzagged all over the place. You wasted so much time stopping along the way. I never ventured off and came here much quicker than you.

Frank Lloyd Wright said that was one of the best lessons he had ever learned. But, in the opposite manner in which his uncle had intended. His philosophy was, I still arrived at the same destination, but I enjoyed all the sights along the way. Good advice.

Be thankful for what you have.

Keep the right point of view. If you're having trouble sleeping at night, think of all the homeless people without beds. If you are stuck in traffic, think about all the people who can't afford cars. If you have a bad day at the office, think about all those who are unemployed. If you have to walk three blocks to church, thank God you are healthy enough to walk (yeah... I noticed that too... Joel does get repetitive in his book).

Joel tells the story of a young man he knew, Matt. Matt had always been strong and healthy. But, one day his eyes started to bother him and he went to see the doctor. The doctor checked him out and told him that he had cancer of the eye and there was a good chance he would lose his vision. Of course Matt was distraught at this news.

Well, when the day of the surgery came the doctor started to operate. At that time he discovered that Matt did not have cancer but an eye fungus that could they could remove simply to restore his vision.

When Matt awoke from surgery he was the happiest man alive. Because he had nearly lost his vision being able to see normally took on new meaning for him. He would never again take his eyesight for granted. That's the attitude we should take with all things in our lives.

Live a No Excuses Life.

There was a boy named Mordecai Brown, tells Joel. His dream was to pitch in the major leagues. Young Mordecai had a natural talent. He was so good that professional scouts regularly came to see his games.

One day while working on the farm he had an accident and lost his whole forefinger and most of his middle finger on his throwing hand. Being the determined person he was he didn't let this setback affect his drive. In fact the loss of those two fingers put such an irregular spin on his pitches that they were even harder to hit.

Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown went on to become one of the most dominant pitchers in the history of early Major League Baseball.

The Bad Advice...

God is in control of your destiny... He allows bad things to happen to people to strengthen them. Trust in Him and He will turn things around. Just wait and see. Baloney.

Joel tells of the time he was in a plane and they hit some very serious turbulence. Items were tossed around and people shaken up. This lasted a good ten minutes. But, in the end, they all landed safely. He compares that to rough patches in our lives. God shakes things up to make us stronger and to depend on him. But, in the end, He comes through.

Well, He didn't come through for the 43 players and coaches who died in the KHL (Russian hockey league) plane crash in September of 2011. Their moments of turbulence ended in their deaths. What lesson does God have for them? Sorry... your life was inconsequential? Too bad, so sad?

Joel says, When things are difficult, smile by faith. If you develop a habit of smiling, God will reward you with His favor. You'll not only feel better, you'll also earn better breaks. You will see increase and promotion. People will be drawn to you, and I believe and declare you'll live that life of victory God has in store for you.

That's a load of malarkey if I've ever heard any. I believe he's giving false hope to those who are already vulnerable. If things don't improve like he says they will these people will fall into even deeper despair. That's not right at all.

In the end I think this book relies too much on "Keep smiling, God is in control. He'll make things better. Trust me." While it gives little new advice on how to be happy.

Instead of spending your hard earned money on it go out and have a steak dinner. As far as I'm concerned that's something that will truly make you happy (unless you're a vegetarian... in that case go on suffering in life).

Maybe the French have something there...

I read this in last Saturday's Toronto Star: The French work less than Americans do, while sleeping more, taking more time over meals, and spending longer hours on leisure activities - and guess what? The French feel happier than Americans do. I think we can all learn a lesson from that.

It seems that certain cultures are quite driven to achieve more monetarily and career-wise. And it comes at the expense of relationships and even personal health. I'm sure the Americans aren't even the worst in that regard.

Sometimes it may be good to step back and take a look your own situation and realistically assess yourself. Now I'm not saying take a 1-1/2 year vacation like me. But, take time to smell the roses now and then, that's all. If you need to take a break from the hamster wheel of life, then so be it. The world won't come to an end if you're not there to greet it, bright eyed and bushy tailed, each and every morning.

Contentment vs. Happiness

I suppose these are a couple of the things people strive for in life - happiness... or at the very least contentment. I think most people in Western society should be content. If you compare what the least of us has here to what others in developing countries have, well... there really isn't any comparison. Most of us have our basic needs met. Food on our table, a roof over our heads, a friend or two to keep us company and the liberties we enjoy living in a free society. We should be grateful for that. As we know it's a privilege not everyone is so fortunate to have.

Happiness is another matter. Its foundation is built on contentment, but taken a step or two further. Happiness isn't necessarily a basic need, but more a want. Still, most of us strive for it and, thus, we should. Happiness gives meaning to our existence. Without it we may as well be robots in the assembly line of life.

So, what brings us happiness? I read a friend's copy of the Dalai Lama's book The Art of Happiness a few years ago. Here are few premises from it.

1. The purpose of life is happiness.

2. Happiness is determined more by the state of one’s mind than by one’s external conditions, circumstances, or events—at least once one’s basic survival needs are met.

3. Happiness can be achieved through the systematic training of our hearts and minds, through reshaping our attitudes and outlook.

4. The key to happiness is in our own hands.

I believe there is some truth to what he says. Once our basic needs are met (and I think most of ours are) we should be able to revise our prior attitudes on what happiness is and work more easily towards attaining it.

So are we happy?

We can begin by asking ourselves what makes us happy? Is it money, power, status? Some people think so. You might believe some of the associated benefits of those things may make you happy. But, you have to weigh the cost of attaining said money, power or status. If the costs outweigh the benefits you have to consider if it's really worth it. To build up one area in your life, another might end up suffering. I'm sure we're all well aware of that. But, sometimes desire blinds us to the risks that otherwise appear so obvious.

Another thing you might ask yourself is if there are any barriers towards making yourself happy? Some people will say, my car is old and rusty... look at that fellow, he's driving a shiny, new Lexus. Or you might hear, my apartment is so small and it's hot in the summer. Look at the place my friend has... it's a huge three-bedroom, backsplit with central air. When we compare what we have to what others have we'll never be satisfied. There's always going to be someone who has more than you. Always. What others have should have no relevance towards how you feel about what you have. Just be thankful you have what you do. Because the reality is, you have much more than most others in the world today.

It might be wise to break it down into more simple terms. Instead of saying a big house or a fancy, new car will make you happy, think of the little things that make you smile. For me it would be seeing a child laughing. I know it sounds sappy, but it's true. Seeing others in a state of joyfulness makes me happy. The bright, shining sun in a clear, blue sky on a warm, summer day makes me happy. Riding my bike with the wind in my face makes me happy. Seeing great photography, art, architecture or design makes me happy. Exploring interesting, new places makes me happy. Holding hands while walking with someone I like makes me happy. You get the idea. If you really think about it, there are a lot of things out there that can make us happy. We just have to take the blinders off and see what's right in front of our noses.