Words of Sympathy

Even though her last visit was supposed to be two weeks ago, Cathy joined me at Carter Manor this Sunday to visit the guys there.

This week has been particularly hard with the sudden passing of our spiritual leader, Reverend Rodger Hunter, or Father Rodger as we called him. On my end, the Boarding Homes Ministry was sort of thrown for a loop. Being a solo volunteer I relied on either him or Cathy to join me on my visits.

I knew this time things could be particularly difficult given how fondly Rodger was thought of at the home. I experienced similar feelings of shock and sadness when I found out the news.

The mood was expectedly more solemn when we entered. At Andrea's request Cathy read from the Psalms and said a prayer. Residents were asked if they wanted to share any memories that had of Rodger. It wasn't easy. There were a few watery eyes to be sure.

I brought a card for anyone to sign if they wished. My plan is to give it to Rodger's daughter, Christie. Some people just wrote their names. Others put more.

God bless you - Mike

I love Rodger forever - Andrea

May u rest in eternal peace - Minh

God be with you - Sam

I can't believe it happened - Tony

Will always be missed -

It was just that God needed you - Mathieu

Father Rodger

Rodger Hunter (right) with former resident Owen Malone, 2007.

I received some terrible news by e-mail this past Wednesday. The founder of the Boarding Homes Ministry, Reverend Rodger Hunter, passed away suddenly. He had been diagnosed with cancer late last year. But he said they had caught it early. With surgery and treatment he was optimistic he would be back on his feet in no time.

I first met Rodger in or around the year 2000. He had come to speak at our church about his ministry. Ours was just one of many that he visited in order to drum up interest of volunteer groups. After his sermon four of us - Richard, Debbie, Armin and I decided to form a team.

We were assigned a home, Carter Manor, at 103 Tyndall Avenue in the Dufferin and King area. The building was home to around three dozen residents (at the time) all with varying degrees of mental disabilities. We were to go in and interact with the residents, just talk with them and see how they were doing. Some didn't have many friends or family.

I don't know if any of us knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into. But Rodger guided us through the first number of visits before letting us go on our own.

At first we were going every Sunday afternoon after church. That got to be a bit much so we switched to Sunday afternoons and, the following week, Monday evenings. By this time I believe we were down to only two of us visiting, Richard and myself. Eventually we gave up Monday evenings, just going every other Sunday afternoon.

Over the years volunteers came and left. Peter and Karen Tjon came for awhile. So did Steve Chong and later Mary Ko Bong. Mary was an elderly lady. She actually passed away at the ripe old age of 92. The circumstances were a bit tragic. Peter and Karen left our church for another. Steve and Richard got busy with married life. After awhile it was just me. That's when Rodger came back into the fold to join me.

Most of the time it was just us two. Later on he would get seminary students. It was sort of like a hands on ministry experience for them. They would join us for part of their school year. Our first student was Jamie. Then it might have been Kate, followed by Abbey, Emily and, most recently, Cathy (whose final visit was supposed to be two Sundays ago). I'm not sure if I missed anyone or not. For one or two years the school didn't send us any students for some reason. So that program started quite a long time ago.

Fast forward to last November (2017). The boarding homes volunteers received this e-mail:

Boarding Homes Teams
Via EMAIL

November 22, 2016

To all Boarding Homes volunteers,

Thank you for all your faithful service and fellowship you have with your homes. Your smile, kind words, and laughter will bring smiles to many residents this coming holiday season. For many of our friends in the homes, this may be the only gift they receive. Thank you.

Rodger and I write to you to share some sad news. Rev. Rodger Hunter has been diagnosed with Stage 2 lymphoma. The lump is in his chest, and as the cancer has been caught very early, we are confident that Rodger will make a full recovery. He will undergo surgery at some point in early December and then will work with his doctors to determine the best treatment for him going forward.

We covet your prayers for Rodger and know that he is in God’s loving hands.

Rodger will be taking some time off to concentrate on his health, starting early December, and as such will not be making regular visits to homes. We know that many of the teams are self-sufficient and can and will continue to visit your homes regularly. For the two homes that Rodger currently visits either by himself or with one team member, we are looking for volunteers to help ensure our ministry continues in these places. The visits occur on Wednesdays at 1 pm and Fridays at noon, every other week. If you can add a visit to your schedule, please let Rodger or I know.

While Rodger is away, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. As a Board, we will answer questions we can and help address issues.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. We will update you regularly on Rodger’s health, as news becomes available.

In Christ,

Rodger's last visit to Carter Manor was at Christmastime. We held our annual Christmas dinner where he bought Swiss Chalet dinners for all the residents. We had three special dinners a year - one at Easter, one at Thanksgiving (which also coincided with the the anniversary of our first visit), and one at Christmastime. In later years we also held an annual end of summer barbecue hosted by his friend, Maureen.

I traded a few e-mails with Rodger while he was away. In one he mentioned his surgery would be on January 14th. In a following one it seems like they changed the date to Friday, January 13th, followed by six weeks of "letting things heal back up."

On Saturday, February 18th he wrote:

Friends in Christ,

I trust things are well with you.

Just an update.  I begin six weeks of radiation therapy on the 27th.  I may be able to return to work on a limited basis during this treatment but I’ll just have to see where my energy level is.

I have appreciated the prayerful support from the boarding home communities.
  
Grace abound, Rodger

Then, last week, on Wednesday, April 5th we received the devastating news.

Dear Boarding Homes teams,

It is with great sadness and shock that I share the news that Rodger has lost his battle with cancer and passed away earlier this week.  In his and my last correspondence just last week, he was as upbeat as only he can be and we were discussing the dates for the annual meeting.

I'm attaching the note from Rev. Will Ingram and will share details of any funeral arrangements as they come available.

Please remember his daughter in your prayers.

Please share this news with your fellow team members as I feel I may not have captured everyone's emails here.

In Christ,
Kim Oliver

... with this attachment:

Dear friends:

It is with profound sadness that we share the news that the Rev. Rodger Hunter passed away yesterday morning at Sunnybrook Hospital. Rodger had been suffering with cancer for the past few months, but his death comes as a shock to all of us.

Rodger was a dedicated and committed servant of Jesus Christ and performed an amazing ministry with some of Toronto’s most marginalized people. For many years he was the Chaplain of Boarding Homes Ministry and conducted his ministry with tremendous compassion and prophetic vision.

Arrangements will be shared when they are available.

We know that this news will come as a surprise and shock to many of the members of our community. In your prayers today please give thanks for Rodger’s example, his witness and his life; and keep his daughter Christie and the many people whose lives he touched in your thoughts and prayers.
We live in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life.

In Christ,

Will Ingram

The news is hard to fathom - Disbelief, utter sadness and shock. So many emotions. 17 years, then gone in an instant. A gaping hole.

His compassion and devotion to the neglected was deep. He affected positive change to countless disaffected spirits. Those people, and many more, will miss him greatly. I will be one among them.

Cathy has graciously agreed to join me this Sunday to visit Carter Manor (even though the previous visit was supposed to be her last). I posted a message about Rodger's passing on Facebook, so word got out to the home. I'm not sure what we're going to do. Hopefully we'll be able to console one another and, perhaps, send prayers his way. I feel sort of lost.

Tom's Funeral

I attended Tom's funeral on Tuesday. He was loved by so many. The room at the funeral home was packed. All the seats were filled and around 50 people had to stand at the back.

Tom was such a kind and generous person. He helped not only his friends and family, but friends of friends and complete strangers as well. One of his high school friends, Larry, spoke of a time when his mother had fallen down the stairs at her home. Tom asked if she had a railing there and Larry said, no. The next day Tom showed up at her home with a railing and installed it for her. That’s the kind of guy he was. So caring.

Larry also spoke of the time he and Tom had been driving out of out town and had been involved in a serious car accident where their car was totalled. The occupants of the other car were badly hurt, but they emerged relatively unscathed. One of their other friends, Maria, came to pick them up and drive them back to Toronto. By the time they got back into town it was around 2:30 a.m.. When Tom found out Maria had to be at the airport at 5:00 a.m. that same morning he drove her there even though he had just been involved in a bad crash and was probably still shaken. For his friends, he would do just about anything.

It’s sad that such a wonderful person was taken so early. He affected everyone he met in a positive way. That’s something we can cherish.

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The guys at hockey signed a card for Florianne.

Florianne, I’m so sorry for your loss. We were all touched by Tom’s presence and , now, are terribly saddened by his passing. He will be missed. ~ Jeff Louie

It was so sad to hear of Tom’s passing and I can’t imagine your pain, but I hope that our support and prayers and knowledge of Tom’s friendship with all of us will help you through these dark times. ~ Bruce Rosenberg

Tom was a great friend & teammate. I am sorry for your loss. He will be missed. Take care & our prayers are with you. ~ Godfrey (Leung)

Condolences. ~ Andrew Pawlak

I only met Tom a few years ago playing Friday Night Hockey with him. I always remember his “big smile” while skating by the bench. He will be greatly missed. My sincere condolences. ~ Peter Stahl

I was so shocked to hear of Tom’s passing. My deepest condolences for your loss. He was a great guy and will be greatly missed. ~ Richard Cheung

Sorry to hear such sad news. Our thoughts and prayers will be there for you and your families. ~ Tim Chow, Donald Chow

A solid guy who will be sorely missed! Sincere condolences! ~ Jim Lyons

Very sad to hear of our hockey friend’s passing. We will truly miss you. My thoughts and prayers are with Tom’s family. ~ Gord Wong

So sorry to hear such sad news. Tom was a great guy and he will surely be missed. ~ Jan (Chan)

We all remember Tom and his warm, friendly smile. We will truly miss Tom. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family. ~ William (Leung)

Our deepest sympathies and prayers to you. May God bring you comfort for your family. ~ Charles Snelgrove

Flo, I’m still in shock. Tom & I have played so much hockey for so long. It will never be the same. Take care ~ Larry (Hum)

Tom was a great competitor although we just met a few months ago. He was a nice guy to be around. God bless his soul. ~ Phillip Sofianos

I didn’t know Tom for very long, but I knew that he was a great guy. And I know that he was gone too soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. ~ Dror Golan

We enjoyed playing with Tom. A great competitor and gentleman. God bless. ~ Harry (Mark)

Tom, he was a great friend and teammate. You’ll be sorely missed. ~ Tom Loo

It’s so sad to hear of Tom’s passing. He was always so nice and gave me a lot of tips on renos. You’ll be missed. ~ Wai Chong

I’m still in disbelief. Tom and I usually sat next to each other in the dressing room and I already miss him badly. ~ Wesley Mark

Tom Chan, 1965-2016

Tom and Florianne, 2011

I received terrible, terrible news late Wednesday night. An e-mail from one of the guys from our Friday Night Hockey group, Larry Hum, told us another friend, Tom Chan, had suddenly passed away.

Tom had just returned from a week long trip to Jamaica at the end of January. He was supposed to return to hockey on Friday, February 12th, but e-mailed me Thursday evening saying he was too sick to play this week. What I didn't know at the time was that he had been admitted to Mt. Sinai Hospital that same day.

Less than a week later (on Wednesday, February 17th) we were informed of his passing. I believe it was very sudden and very unexpected. Because earlier that same day Tom asked Florianne to e-mail me saying he's out for hockey this week. Just over six hours later we were told of his death.

_________________________________________

I met Tom through ice hockey. I'm not exactly sure when, but it was quite a few years ago. I don't even know exactly who in the group he knew. So many guys have come and gone over the two and a half decades we've played. All I know was that he was a really good guy.

Over the years he's invited me to his home where he and Florianne would host many lovely dinner parties. There would be ones for Christmas or Chinese New Years or one of many other special occasions. Tom was a great chef. He'd always prepare a number of wonderful dishes.

He was also a world traveler. Before his trip to Jamaica he was in Iceland late last year. And in prior years he traveled to Mexico, Asia and Europe with all Florianne and other friends. I'd always enjoy looking through his photos on Facebook.

For work he renovated old homes. I didn't know too much about this side of him. Though he had me photograph one project he completed, a semi on Baldwin, just east of Spadina. It was really amazing. Such a beautiful place. He really was a multi-faceted, multi-talented guy.

Taken far too young, he will be missed. Good-bye, my friend.

Rest In Peace, Doug

I received a text from my friend, Jan, this afternoon that both shocked and deeply saddened me. He reported that our friend, Doug Lem, had passed away this morning.

I believe I first met Doug through mountain biking with mutual friends. Doug was an excellent cyclist. He was especially proficient at traversing steep mountainside descents. Something that would scare the pants off the rest of us.

For a number of years a group of us would regularly drive to Mont Tremblant in Quebec over the Canada Day long weekend to go mountain biking. We would rent a number of condo units and pile in. During the day, we'd take the lift up and ride down. It was great fun.

In the winter we would play hockey together. Doug would normally play defense like me. But, more often than not, you'd see him rush end to end trying to score a goal.

Doug was in excellent shape. Pretty much skinny like me. And he wasn't very old either. I'm guessing in his mid to late 40s like most of us. That's why I was surprised to hear he may have died of a heart attack.

Our Friday night ice hockey was supposed to start this upcoming Friday (October 18th). And, Doug, was slated to play. There will be a large hole in our line up that will never be filled.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Rest in Peace, Grandma

This is a photo of my grandmother with her three daughters and my sister (her granddaughter). It was taken in May of 2009. My grandmother loved to knit. Everyone is wearing hats that she knit.

My grandmother passed away last night at 7:30 at the nursing home where she lived. My sister, mother and youngest nephew were there visiting at the time. I was driving home from working in Brampton with my friend's company when I got the call from my sister.

Up until about a month ago my grandmother was in great shape for her age. She would have been 99 in November. Around that time she had a fall in her room at the nursing home. They thought she might have had a stroke. But, when they took her to the hospital they said it was pneumonia. When I heard the news I was relieved because I thought a stroke would have been more serious.

They kept my grandmother in hospital for over a week. I suppose at that age it takes longer for one to recover. Upon her return to the nursing home she wasn't the same. She wasn't able to speak properly. When she tried it came out more like a moan. As well, she had trouble eating. In fact, her new diet consisted of thickened liquids. They had to give her thickened liquids so they wouldn't get into her lungs they said. Most of the time they gave her Ensure nutritional drinks.

I have to say, I wasn't the ideal grandson. I only saw my grandmother on occasions when we met for family gatherings or meals. I never went to the nursing home. It's mostly because I couldn't talk with my grandmother. She only spoke Toisan (a dialect of Chinese) and I, English.

I did visit on Tuesday after work with my mother though. I tried to help feed her, but it seemed to make her tummy really hurt each time she took a sip of the nutritional drink. It was a difficult predicament. To be fed was a painful experience most of the time. But, if you don't eat you won't survive. Anyway, the visit wasn't very good.

The next day (Wednesday), I went back in the late afternoon with my friend, Daphne. She speaks Cantonese. Even though that's not my grandmother's dialect she understands enough of it to converse.

Since my grandmother couldn't speak, when Daphne spoke to her and she either nodded her head to respond, yes, or shook it to say, no. I believe we even saw a glimpse of a smile when Daphne was talking to her. That was wonderful to see.

This visit went much better. We were able to feed my grandmother quite a bit compared to my previous visit. She pretty much finished an entire bottle of Ensure (which is quite a bit for her). Daphne and I gave her a massage too. We did her arms, legs and feet and Daphne did her head as well.

My mom came a little later (after dinner). My parents live close by so my mom has been visiting her three times a day to help feed her. The process can take 1-1/2 to 2 hours each meal. So the staff at the home don't have time to do it themselves.

We fed her more and even moved her to a wheelchair so she could sit up. It's very tough lying bed for nearly 24 hours a day. I gave her a back, neck and shoulder massage and brushed her hair while we continued to try to feed her.

At around 8:00 p.m. Daphne and I took a dinner break. We went to Congee Queen for about 1-1/2 hours. When we returned my grandmother was sleeping. My mom said it was the first time she's had such a peaceful sleep in awhile. Normally I guess she's in pain. Or uncomfortable, at the very least. So, needless to say, I was in shock when I received the phone call from my sister the next evening saying my grandmother had passed away.

I went to the nursing home after stopping briefly at home. My mom was on the phone with the people at the funeral home. She was trying to arrange having them pick up my grandmother's body. The nursing home doesn't have cold storage or anything like that for a person who is deceased. My sister was out having taken my nephew home. She returned afterwards.

While we were waiting for the doctor to come to issue a death certificate I cleaned out my grandmother's room. I had to do it quietly because she shared it with another elderly lady who was asleep.

I packed her clothes and pictures and things. After the doctor came and left I brought them to my parents' place with my sister. After that she returned home and I went back to the nursing home to wait with my mother for the people from the funeral home to come.

We were told by the staff at the home that they would be arriving shortly a couple of times. But, they actually took a fair amount of time to come. Oh well. They arrived a bit after 11:30 p.m. I believe.

They took my grandmother in one of those long, black, plastic bags. After that I took my mom home. She had had a long and emotionally draining day. She had gotten up at 6:00 in the morning to prepare lunch for my dad because she was going to be away at lunchtime (at the nursing home) and now it was nearly midnight.

My mom's older sister and her husband will come on Saturday. They're driving up from Long Island, New York. They'll visit the funeral home on Sunday to make funeral arrangements. Our other relatives will come slightly later. They all actually had planned their trips to see my grandmother while she was alive. But, now it will be for her funeral unfortunately.

Rest in peace, grandma.

Rest in Peace Mary

I'm deeply saddened to report the passing of dear friend, Mary Ko Bong, at age 93. I received an e-mail from my friend Tony Lai informing me of the news this morning. I'll re-post it here so you can see the details.

Dear Elders and friends

I regret to inform you of the passing of Mary Ko Bong. She was found this morning outside her apartment by a neighbour. I'm afraid I have little information at the present time.

I would be grateful if you would ensure all the relevant CPC people are informed. I'm thinking of people like Elizabeth Kwan (?) Anna Lee (?) and Alice Yeh.

We all knew Mary as a fiercely independent woman, who knew what she wanted and constantly reached for those things and rose to all sorts of challenges and survived the impossible. May she rest in peace, freed from the frustrating infirmities of recent years. Sadly for many of us but perhaps better for her I like to think she can dance her ballet and flamenco again, sing her heart out, and now do the arts and crafts she loved and even learn a few more.

Tony

My friend Daphne and I just visited Mary less than two weeks ago. We had a wonderful talk with her in her little basement apartment. We had seen her photos with her and her father and brothers in uniform and I wanted to go back and take a few pictures of her in them. She served in the Second World War and still had three uniforms in her closet.

Daphne was just out recently looking to buy her a winter coat too. When we were getting ready to leave Mary commented that she liked Daphne's coat. So Daphne went out looking, but couldn't find her size yet. She was planning on going again today after work.

We'll miss you and your wonderful stories Mary. I hope you're in heaven now smiling down on us ~

Rest In Peace, James Michael "Pitt" Potter

An acquaintance of mine, James Michael Potter, passed away this past Saturday (June 12th). From all accounts it was supposed to be from complications due to his affliction with diabetes.

I knew James from volunteering together at the Out of the Cold program at Knox Presbyterian Church. We used to go there every Tuesday night through the winter to help underprivileged young people with a hot meal. I have to say, I never was that close to him. But, he would always offer a friendly smile whenever we crossed paths. He seemed like a really great guy, well liked by everybody.

It was such a shock to hear of his passing on Facebook. To me he seemed to be a picture of perfect health. And he was so young too. Only 33-years-old. It's so sad to be taken at such an early age. I know he will be missed by many. The Knox OOTC community is pretty tight. To his family and friends I send my most sincere condolences.

Christmastime in Toronto

I had a chance to walk through the Eaton Centre after church on Sunday. Just to kill a bit of time you know. It's only a few more days until Christmas. Of course the mall was packed with last minute shoppers trying to finish off their gift lists. That can't be fun at all.

If I can, I normally try to avoid the crowds. If I'm not shopping (which I wasn't) it's not so bad. It's weird, it doesn't much feel like Christmas to me. All the decorations are up and everywhere you look. But, there's just something missing. Perhaps it's the image I have in my mind of picture perfect winter scene. In it there's an idyllic, country home half buried in snow with a yellowy, candle-lit glow coming from the windows and smoke drifting from the fireplace chimney. That reminds me of Christmas.

There's nary a snowflake to be seen here in Toronto. It's strange I know. After all aren't we "the Great White North"? Especially now, when half the eastern seaboard from Tennessee to the southern New England states (according to CNN) was just slammed by a major snowstorm. Who's "the Great White North" now?

To tell you the truth, I don't miss the snow. Call me a Grinch. I guess I'd just rather not deal with it. Maybe I'll get more in the mood once Christmas dinner with my folks comes around. We'll be having our family dinner next Saturday. Maybe some turkey in my belly will do the trick, who knows?

On an unrelated note - Brittany Murphy passed away this past Sunday from cardiac arrest at age 32. She was an actress who starred in movies I've never seen, save a bit part in Sin City, if I remember correctly. Boy, it's sad... 32 is far too young to die. Rest in Peace my dear.