Long Island, Day 1 - The End

My visit to Long Island started in the worst way possible with Anna picking me up at the train station and telling me her brother David passed away earlier that morning. It was devastating news. My sole purpose for visiting was to go there and lend my support to my dying cousin. That dream wasn't to be.

My relatives rented a hospital bed for David. They put it in Anna and Donna's room because it was larger than his. On the shelf behind, his medication.

Family photos on the wall and shelf of David's room.

I borrowed this book, David and Goliath, from my sister to read to David. I thought it might help him pass the time. I was also thinking, if we could get a hold of a wheelchair, I could take him for walks around the neighbourhood.

The back patio where I thought we might be able to spend some time together, hanging out and shooting the breeze.

Instead we spent the next day planning his memorial. David would be cremated and there would be a service for him on Saturday at nearby Brueggemann Funeral Home. My mother and sister arrived from Toronto Friday morning for the reunion none of us ever wanted to have.

Good-bye, my dearest David

David and his friend, Pam, at his parents' 55th wedding anniversary in 2013.

Earlier this spring I wrote that my cousin David had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. Well, this past Tuesday, July 10th he lost that battle.

Ever since I found out he had cancer I had been planning on visiting him in San Francisco. I have to admit, I put it off a few times at the beginning. It was always in the back of my mind, but I felt I had some time. The urgency wasn't there.

It became more so when he nixed my planned late July visit. I wanted to fly in for the week of Friday, July 20th to Sunday, July 22nd. He e-mailed me on Monday, July 2nd saying he had taken a turn for the worse and that his sisters, Donna and Zena, were flying to San Francisco to get his affairs in order and take him home to Long Island. Their aim was to get him home by Friday or Saturday.

At that point I knew I had to get to New York as soon as possible. I asked my sister and another friend, Daphne, if either or both would be available to drive down the weekend of the 7th-8th. Daphne said she couldn't get any more time off this year because she used all her vacation time up earlier visiting her dying father in Malaysia in the spring. My sister, Karleen, said it was her year end at work and that she wouldn't be able to go until the following weekend of the 14th.

I knew if it were serious enough for David to return home, I didn't have much time. So I got in touch with his sisters to arrange to come earlier. My main contact was his middle sister, Anna, since she was the only one on WhatsApp. We started chatting about me visiting on Saturday, July 7th.

Even though I wanted to come as early as possible, she told me I should wait a little to let David recuperate from his flight and to give his parents (my aunt and uncle) Betty and Chuck some time with him. Concerned, I waited one more day before saying, I'd like to come down, again. Anna said that she thought that her mom and my mom had already agreed that I should come. Miscommunication I guess. I booked a bus ticket for Monday at 11:59 p.m..

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My bus arrived in New York City an hour late, sometime around 12:30, Tuesday afternoon. The drop off point was 7th Avenue and West 27th Street, a few blocks south of Penn Station. That's where I had to go to get the train to Long Island (LIRR - Long Island Rail Road).

By the time I walked to Penn Station it was a bit before 1:00. The first available train to Huntington Station on Long Island, was the 1:14. It has a few transfers, so I opted for the 1:49 train which was direct. The ride would be about an hour long.

Now, I have to say, my cell phone was useless after I crossed the border. I was hoping to use the smart phone my friend, Peter, set up for me with WhatsApp using Wifi to contact Anna. Even though, Megabus claimed service on their buses, there was none. I didn't find any at Penn Station either. Though I thought that something was wrong with my phone and that it wasn't working, so I didn't really look.

Anna had given me her older sister, Zena's, phone number. My plan was to call her upon arrival at Huntington to get a lift to her parents' place where David was staying. I had $1.00 in quarters for the pay phone. As well, I figured I could ask a stranger to use their phone if needed.

As my train pulled into Hungtington I did ask the fellow beside me if I could use his phone. He kindly agreed. But Zena didn't pick up. I left her a message and went into the small train station to wait a bit.

While there I asked the ticket seller where the pay phones were. He directed me to the taxi station nearby. I walked over and called Zena again. Still no answer. This was about 15 minutes later at least. I checked my cell phone. The only other Long Island number I had was my aunt and uncle's. I put my last 50¢ in the phone and dialed.

Again there was no answer. Worried, I started to leave a message and then my aunt picked up. I was so relieved. I told her I was at Huntington Station and she said, she would come and get me. 20-30 minutes later Anna showed up.

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We made small talk a few minutes into the drive. I can't remember exactly about what. Perhaps my ride down or how everyone was doing, it doesn't really matter. It was then she placed her hand on mine and broke the news... Early that morning, surrounded by family, David passed away.

So Worried

 David in Thailand in 2012 (from his Facebook page).

The past few days have been a blur... an emotional roller coaster. I feel helpless. I feel spent. I feel a terrible sadness.

On Monday my mother told me she had been speaking with her sister (my aunt Betty) from Long Island. She said that Betty told her that my cousin David (in San Francisco) had cancer and had his pancreas removed. I e-mailed him that day and he told me that indeed he had cancer, but that they hadn't removed his pancreas.

The next day my mother told me she had spoken with her younger sister, Angela, who lives in France. She told my mom that David had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Unbeknownst to my mother I knew that was ultra serious.

I did a little research online and found that pancreatic cancer is hard to diagnose. Sometimes it isn't discovered until it's too late after the cancer has spread to other organs. Jaundice (yellowing of the skin) can be an outward sign as well as weight loss, loss of appetite and pain in the upper abdomen and back.

Here are some facts I found about stage 4 pancreatic cancer:

Pancreatic cancer is often diagnosed at a late stage because it tends not to show symptoms early on. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer means the cancer has spread to other organs, typically the liver or the lungs. You can’t cure the cancer at this point, but you still have treatment options.

In stage 4, the most advanced stage, cancer has spread beyond the pancreas and into distant locations in the body. Advanced-stage cancers spread beyond the primary tumor location to nearby tissues, blood vessels, nerves, and other organs. This process is known as metastasis.

Pancreatic cancer is the fourth most common cause of cancer death. The median survival rate for stage 4 pancreatic cancer is between two and six months. Though the disease cannot be cured at this stage, treatment may improve your quality of life.

David said he would be starting chemotherapy soon. As well, he's looking into alternative treatment options.

I'm so worried. How could this happen?