Rest in Peace, Grandma

This is a photo of my grandmother with her three daughters and my sister (her granddaughter). It was taken in May of 2009. My grandmother loved to knit. Everyone is wearing hats that she knit.

My grandmother passed away last night at 7:30 at the nursing home where she lived. My sister, mother and youngest nephew were there visiting at the time. I was driving home from working in Brampton with my friend's company when I got the call from my sister.

Up until about a month ago my grandmother was in great shape for her age. She would have been 99 in November. Around that time she had a fall in her room at the nursing home. They thought she might have had a stroke. But, when they took her to the hospital they said it was pneumonia. When I heard the news I was relieved because I thought a stroke would have been more serious.

They kept my grandmother in hospital for over a week. I suppose at that age it takes longer for one to recover. Upon her return to the nursing home she wasn't the same. She wasn't able to speak properly. When she tried it came out more like a moan. As well, she had trouble eating. In fact, her new diet consisted of thickened liquids. They had to give her thickened liquids so they wouldn't get into her lungs they said. Most of the time they gave her Ensure nutritional drinks.

I have to say, I wasn't the ideal grandson. I only saw my grandmother on occasions when we met for family gatherings or meals. I never went to the nursing home. It's mostly because I couldn't talk with my grandmother. She only spoke Toisan (a dialect of Chinese) and I, English.

I did visit on Tuesday after work with my mother though. I tried to help feed her, but it seemed to make her tummy really hurt each time she took a sip of the nutritional drink. It was a difficult predicament. To be fed was a painful experience most of the time. But, if you don't eat you won't survive. Anyway, the visit wasn't very good.

The next day (Wednesday), I went back in the late afternoon with my friend, Daphne. She speaks Cantonese. Even though that's not my grandmother's dialect she understands enough of it to converse.

Since my grandmother couldn't speak, when Daphne spoke to her and she either nodded her head to respond, yes, or shook it to say, no. I believe we even saw a glimpse of a smile when Daphne was talking to her. That was wonderful to see.

This visit went much better. We were able to feed my grandmother quite a bit compared to my previous visit. She pretty much finished an entire bottle of Ensure (which is quite a bit for her). Daphne and I gave her a massage too. We did her arms, legs and feet and Daphne did her head as well.

My mom came a little later (after dinner). My parents live close by so my mom has been visiting her three times a day to help feed her. The process can take 1-1/2 to 2 hours each meal. So the staff at the home don't have time to do it themselves.

We fed her more and even moved her to a wheelchair so she could sit up. It's very tough lying bed for nearly 24 hours a day. I gave her a back, neck and shoulder massage and brushed her hair while we continued to try to feed her.

At around 8:00 p.m. Daphne and I took a dinner break. We went to Congee Queen for about 1-1/2 hours. When we returned my grandmother was sleeping. My mom said it was the first time she's had such a peaceful sleep in awhile. Normally I guess she's in pain. Or uncomfortable, at the very least. So, needless to say, I was in shock when I received the phone call from my sister the next evening saying my grandmother had passed away.

I went to the nursing home after stopping briefly at home. My mom was on the phone with the people at the funeral home. She was trying to arrange having them pick up my grandmother's body. The nursing home doesn't have cold storage or anything like that for a person who is deceased. My sister was out having taken my nephew home. She returned afterwards.

While we were waiting for the doctor to come to issue a death certificate I cleaned out my grandmother's room. I had to do it quietly because she shared it with another elderly lady who was asleep.

I packed her clothes and pictures and things. After the doctor came and left I brought them to my parents' place with my sister. After that she returned home and I went back to the nursing home to wait with my mother for the people from the funeral home to come.

We were told by the staff at the home that they would be arriving shortly a couple of times. But, they actually took a fair amount of time to come. Oh well. They arrived a bit after 11:30 p.m. I believe.

They took my grandmother in one of those long, black, plastic bags. After that I took my mom home. She had had a long and emotionally draining day. She had gotten up at 6:00 in the morning to prepare lunch for my dad because she was going to be away at lunchtime (at the nursing home) and now it was nearly midnight.

My mom's older sister and her husband will come on Saturday. They're driving up from Long Island, New York. They'll visit the funeral home on Sunday to make funeral arrangements. Our other relatives will come slightly later. They all actually had planned their trips to see my grandmother while she was alive. But, now it will be for her funeral unfortunately.

Rest in peace, grandma.